How Your Thoughts Become Self-Fulfilling Prophecies
Thoughts are powerful.
They are the lens through which we see our world. They filter our reality.
Sometimes, our thoughts and beliefs are so powerful that they create the reality around us.
As a cognitive-behavioral therapist, I have stood on my soap box for years preaching the importance of identifying and challenging thoughts because left unchecked, they can lead to emotional distress like depression, anxiety, and anger.
It is true, if you change your thoughts, you can change how you feel, but managing your thinking goes much deeper than just altering your emotions. Managing your thinking can alter your reality. Your thoughts can become self-fulfilling prophecy.
“A self-fulfilling prophecy is an assumption or prediction that, purely as a result of having been made, cause the expected or predicted event to occur and thus confirms its own accuracy.” - Paul Watziawick
Thoughts Cause Feelings.
A common mistake people make is thinking that the emotion we feel is a direct result of a situation that we are in. However, cognitive-behavioral theory shows us that, in reality, the thought that we have about the situation causes us to experience an emotion. We call this the ABC model.
An (A)ctivating event happens, which causes us to (B)elieve something about it and that leads us to have an emotional (C)onsequence.
The ABC model can go even further. I call it the ABCDE model. Once you have an emotional (C)onsequence, you (D)o something. What you do, has an (E)ffect. Thus, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy.
ABC Model
A. - Activating Event:
Something happens.
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B. - Belief:
You have a thought about what happened. You assign it a meaning or think a thought about it.
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C. - Emotional Consequence:
You feel an emotion as a result of your belief or thought.
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D. - Do something:
As a result of your emotions, you behave in a certain way.
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E. - Effect.
Your behavior causes an effect. Often confirming your original belief, even if it is wrong.
Example:
A- Activating Event = Invited to party.
Let’s say the activating event is that a friend invites you to a party. That invitation is a neutral event.
B- Belief = “Oh no! I am so awkward. I am going to make a fool of myself and no one will like me.”
You can’t control whether or not you get invited, but you have a choice on your thought about it or the meaning that you give it.
You could think “Oh, it is going to be so fun to get out of the house and be around people.”
Or you may think, “Oh no! I am so awkward at social gatherings that I am going to make a fool out of myself and people won’t like me.”
Or you may think, “That person is so annoying. Why would I want to hang out with them on my day off?”
Each of those thoughts has a different corresponding emotion. You get to choose which thought you will focus your attention on.
Let’s say you go with the second option and think, “Oh no! I am so awkward. I am going to make a fool of myself and no one will like me.”
(Need tips to stop thinking the worst? Check out this blog, ”4 Questions to Ask Yourself When You Think The Worst.”)
C- Emotional Consequence = Anxious
Focusing on that thought or holding that belief will cause you to feel anxious.
D- Do Something= Closed off body language. Don’t speak to others.
When you go to the party feeling anxious, you may unintentionally have anxious body language. You may stand in the back of the room and try to blend in to the wall paper. You may cross your arms in front of you. You may look down and not make eye contact with people. If someone tries to talk to you, you may get flustered and your mind may go blank. You may not try to engage in conversation with any one.
E- Effect = People don’t talk to you. No connections made. Confirms original thought/belief.
As a result of this people leave you alone. You don’t make connections with others and you leave the party defeated. This confirms your thought that you are awkward and people don’t like you. The thought is not necessarily true, but YOU made it true because of the belief you held about yourself.
“Life becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. What you believe about Life will be your experience of Life.” - Neal Donald Walsch
(Curious about which thoughts are holding you back? Take my quiz to find out. Click here.)
Small Shifts In Thinking Can Make A Big Difference.
In order to stop creating these unwanted realities, a shift in thinking is required. However, shifting to a thought that is 180° different is not required. Even a slight change in perspective can make a big difference.
You don’t have go from,
“I’m awkward and people won’t like me”
to
“I am fabulous and everyone I meet loves me. I am perfect in all of my social interactions and simply irresistible to others.”
You can’t bull$#!+ yourself. It may be too far of a stretch and won’t work.
Simply shift your thoughts to something more helpful and realistic. A better thought may be,
(B)elief: “This is a good chance for me to practice my social skills. My social skills get better and better each time I have the opportunity to practice. While I may not be perfect, I have many other traits that make me a lovable person that is worthy of connection. I can look forward to the chance to meet and connect with others.”
(C)onsequence: If this is the thought you are focusing on, when you enter the party, you may still feel nervous, but you may feel more relaxed.
(D)o: You may feel less of a need to protect yourself from rejection and therefore may have more open body language. You may be more inclined to smile and make eye contact or engage in conversation.
(E)ffect: This will then make it more likely that you will get results that are more of what you really want. People may be more likely to engage with you and start a conversation. Your mind may not go blank when you are speaking to someone else. You create the self-fulfilling prophecy and confirm your belief that you are worthy and able to connect with others.
Start Creating Your Reality With Intention.
This concept applies to all aspects your life. What thoughts and beliefs you are you telling yourself about the type of partner you are? The type of goals you can accomplish? Your ability to overcome depression and anxiety? Your ability to make money or have the career that you want? While the idea of your thoughts creating self-fulfilling prophecies can seem foreboding because bad thoughts can lead to bad things, that is not the full picture and you are missing something VERY important. It means that you can start creating the reality that you want by choosing thoughts that align with what you DO want. Thoughts like,
“I am a partner that responds with love and kindness.”
“I can find a way to accomplish my dream.”
“Depression and anxiety are things I can manage and recover from and I have the ability to do so.”
“I am capable in succeeding in my career and worthy of making the amount money I desire.”
Practicing the thoughts that are in alignment with what you want cause you to believe that they are possible and your feelings, behaviors and their effects will be the ones most likely to get you to what you truly desire. If you are going to be creating self-fulfilling prophecies anyway, might as well make them create a reality that you love!
What self-fulfilling prophecies have you created? Share in the comments!
