The Worst Part Of Reaching Your Goals

There I was, ironically lying on the couch my clients used to sit on, my teenage daughter sitting in the therapist’s chair waiting for me, my stomach in knots and, my mind racing and rendering me unable to move as I got swept away in emotion.

We were there to pack up my office. I had not seen clients in-person there since March and it was December. That is a lot of money spent on rent for a space you aren’t using. I had been seeing clients online via video for 9 months because of COVID-19 and no one knew when it would be safe to meet mask-less in person again. It didn’t seem like it would be anytime soon. Some predictions were reporting it could be up to 2 years. When my colleague that was subleasing from me contacted me to tell me she was moving out of the space, on the same day I decided to move out permanently, I took it as a sign this was the right move...

…Until I walked into the office for the first time in months to pack.

Suddenly, I wasn’t sure anymore.

I had been in that space for 10 years, since the beginning of when I opened my practice. This is where I reached my lifelong dream of going out on my own in business as a therapist. I had met so many beautiful souls, learned so much, facilitated so much healing, and created so many memories here. What was I thinking? How could I move out of the space where I found success?

What if my clients hated it? What if they all left? What if this ruined my business? Why was I feeling like this? Was it my intuition telling me it was the wrong move?

My daughter interrupted my silent panic attack, “Mom. What is the problem? What is wrong?’

“I don’t know if I am making the right decision. I don’t know if I should do this or if I should just stay and wait out the pandemic.”

I am sure she will tell her own therapist about this one day because she role reversed and became the parent and talked some sense into me.

“Mom! What are you talking about?! You have hated this place for years. You have been trying to move out to a nicer area where your clients can feel safe, where it is cleaner and your clients aren’t creeped out. Remember how this place floods every time it rains? Leaving it and going online is on your freaking vision board!”

She was right. I had been wanting to leave for YEARS! I had been looking for a nicer office until I could get to my ultimate goal of going 100% online. And yes, it really was literally on my vision board!

That is when I realized what was happening.

My rational brain had been hijacked by the survival part of the brain. My brain detected the new move as a threat. I had flipped my lid and my logical reasoning part of the brain had been taken over by the amygdala and the fight, flight or freeze mode had kicked in (this time it was freeze) to help me survive what it perceived as danger.

Our brain’s primary function is survival. It is not conducive to survival to try new things. Your chances of survival are better if you do the same, tried and true thing that has been proven safe. You never know, a tiger or danger that you don’t know of could be on the new path. Even though there were plenty of reasons to move, the unknown and uncertain results of the major change were telling my brain I was in danger.

Moving meant leaving safety. Even if I didn’t like the space or it wasn’t good for me, it was familiar which felt safe. The devil I knew felt safer than the devil I didn’t know. Comfort zones are like that.

Luckily, I learned a long time ago that magical things happen outside of your comfort zone. It is in that space that growth happens.

In order to grow, I would have to let go. It was a little scary. A little sad. A lot new, A lot unknown.

Letting go of the old, the comfort, the familiar is the worst part of reaching your dreams.

It is scary when you let go of the safety of the shore and step out in faith into your wildest dreams unsure if you will fall and drown in the depth of the ocean or soar.

I started thinking about all of the other times I felt this way.

…getting married.

…moving out of my hometown.

…buying my first home.

…leaving the security of my job as a school counselor to open my own practice.

I had done it dozens of times before and always survived. It never killed me, even though my brain tried to convince me it could.

And it had always been worth it!

Letting go is the hardest part.

Maybe you have experienced it, too. Maybe the fear of letting go is keeping you stuck and not moving forward to the goals that are right for you. You can experience this when

leaving a toxic relationship,

leaving your corporate job to open your own business,

even healing from depression requires you to let go of a part of your identity that is comfortable and familiar (even if not serving you).

I have found that stepping forward and taking action into the unknown is much less scary than when you are just standing on the shore thinking about it.

After rationalizing it and using the tools I teach my clients, I was able to get up and start packing.

And then the church choir started singing from the suite next door. The same choir with the LOUD and terrible sound system and very passionate preacher that had been interrupting my sessions for months before I stopped seeing people in person.

Ah yes, another reason I had wanted to leave. How could I have forgotten about that one?!

I couldn’t help but laugh. It was my sign, from God himself, that this was the right move after all.

What have you had to let go of to get your goals? Or what are you scared to let go of, that you know you need to, in order to reach your goals?

Tell us in the comments.